This work was first published on Medium.

Unemployment is thankless work. People who have looked for a job for any significant period can attest to the energy and effort that it takes. It is almost like having a job, except absent the usual intrinsic rewards.

Even worse than a mere time bandit, involuntary joblessness can wreak financial and emotional havoc. When bills pile up, money worries can become stifling. For many people, their work, identity, or self-esteem are intricately linked. Not working can lead to social isolation especially if most of your social circle is employed. This later state is one that the COVID-19 pandemic is now exacerbating. All combined, weathering unemployment starts to look like a bad reality show where contestants try to escape from a deserted island — or in this case — escape from Unemployment Island.

Career coaches, job recruiters, outplacement specialists, counselors, family members, friends, and sometimes even well-meaning strangers offer advice to people who are unemployed. Much of the counsel involves practical job search tips: improving resumes, tapping into social media, navigating electronic applications, and honing interview finesse. These are essential skills, especially for those who have not job hunted in recent years, but weathering unemployment can be as much about psychological strategy as it is tactical activity.

I am not a recruiter but in my marketing role with a professional recruiting firm, I often speak with people who are unemployed. Some time ago, I started asking reemployed people about their insights gleaned while they were out of work.[1] As with other difficult situations, people who have traveled similar paths bring a unique perspective. I wondered what advice they might offer to those in a kindred situation.

One businessman I spoke with was jolted by joblessness when he was 49 years old. His wife worked, but they had two young children and they needed his income to help pay the bills. As his unemployment stretched onto a year, his worry magnified. He recalled, “The most unappreciated piece of advice I received was, ‘You’ll get through this, this will end’.” He explained that a couple of other people had told him essentially the same thing, but when the words came from someone who had endured a similar hardship, they resonated. “That was extremely useful, but because it came from someone who had been through the gauntlet,” he added.

This two-part series is a composite of the central themes of collective insights and advice shared with me by people from their time of being unemployed and after they had found new work[2], coupled with tips from some career pros.

I began this process before the onset of COVID-19. Just last year, the U.S. unemployment rates were the lowest since 1969, yet for those people who were out of work, the statistics offered little comfort. Now, the upward trajectory of unemployment will undoubtedly create more challenging circumstances for many job seekers. I have tried to note where the current health crisis may affect the recommendations, but I suspect the general wisdom is more imperative than ever.

A Resiliency Mindset

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.” — Walter Elliot

How intensely anyone feels the effect of being without a job depends on multiple individual factors: their financial cushion, emotional support, transferrable skills, job mobility, their area’s labor and economic markets, age, and compounding circumstances, like other losses or life milestones, which may be simultaneously unfolding.

Some fortunate people find new work easily, or it finds them. For others, searching for a job is a Sisyphean task. Being in a state of perpetual limbo makes it difficult to plan, and that uncertainty can fester into angst. One senior physician executive shared with me, “I don’t think I ever truly appreciated how difficult, frustrating and disheartening this process can be.” Another customer service executive said, “Unemployment affects everything you do, every decision you make.”

Those I interviewed said that their worries intensified[3] as the jobless months dragged on, especially as they neared the one-year point. It is no surprise that studies have found that the longer people are unemployed, the more likely they are to become depressed.

Emotional resiliency is a key to remaining positive and mentally preparing for what may turn out to be a long haul. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Resilience won’t make your problems go away — but resilience can give you the ability to see past them, find enjoyment in life and better handle stress. If you are not as resilient as you’d like to be, you can develop skills to become more resilient.”

Despite differences in their individual demographics, these unemployment survivors expressed empathy for others in similar situations. Much of their insights centered on how they maintained mental fortitude and positive coping skills and advice for how others might do the same. They said:

· Take a breath. Mourn the loss of your old job.

· Own it. Don’t be embarrassed. Tell everyone you know, early on.

· Remember, it’s a situation, not an identity.

· It’s very easy to get discouraged. Don’t get into the doldrums. Shake it off.

· Keep a daily journal. Capture interesting things that people do or say. It lowers your stress level. It helps you process your emotions. It’s your story.

· Find someone, who is not your spouse, to help validate your experience and worth — not just idle encouragement but someone who can be honest and help remind you of your value.

· Make notes to yourself of what’s working and what’s not. Record your emotions.

· Don’t forget your worth, your value. If you are not valuable to one company, it doesn’t mean you won’t be valuable to another.

· You need to separate your self-worth from your job.

· If you are having a bad day, you are having a bad day. Roll with the punches.

While these statements are straight-forward and appear to be deceptively simple, they are resiliency-focused and action-oriented. These should not be confused with well-meaning platitudes like, “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find something soon,” or “You’re so talented that you won’t have any trouble finding something new,” which interviewees felt were baseless and dismissive of their concerns.

The advice-givers counseled that staying on the top of their game took more than just cybersurfing job boards and submitting electronic applications. One woman with an insider’s experience in human resources said, “It is a yeoman’s job looking for a job” then cautioned, “You can get caught in a black hole of oblivion. You have to take a break.”

The group found it helped them to stay active, learn, and engage in other activities. I sensed a common sentiment that the process was more akin to a marathon than a sprint. Some sought free or low-cost ways to remain active, including getting outside of the house.

· Get outdoors. Go for a walk.

· Get up early and go to the gym.

· I used the time when I wasn’t working to get both of my bad knees replaced. Having the surgery then helped me to get physically ready for my new job that requires a lot of stamina.

· It’s important to have something outside of the [job] search to keep you occupied and motivated.

· Keep your feet on the [figurative] treadmill and keep moving.

· Use the time to learn new skills. It doesn’t have to be about your job, but could be anything that will help you, like improving your computer skills or learning a new language, or public speaking.

· I got more engaged with organizations where I had let my membership lapse. Now I had the time to get involved in things that I hadn’t had time for and got reinvigorated and met new people.

· Stay abreast of what is happening in your industry; connect with one person a day and read industry news.

· Find some challenging things that are difficult and learn them.

Although the pandemic has limited some of these options in certain locales, like gym access, there are significant ways to be engaged from home, including an abundance of virtual sessions in which to learn or interact, and online college courses, some which are free or nominally priced.

Networking is among the more vital ways to stay engaged and effectively find new work or as one mid-forties sales executive said, “Everything is done through your network.” But networking can have a different context when you are employed and seeking to advance your career than it does when you are jobless.

The Networking Conundrum

Network. It’s a verb, it’s a noun, and it’s the advice that virtually every jobseeker hears. There is power in a personal referral.

Some of the strongest emotions among the interviewees came when they talked about networking. Some shared how they felt isolated while not working; others felt forgotten by their employed friends and former colleagues. One middle-aged female executive summed it up with, “Some people act like unemployment is contagious.”

Despite this, several people found help from unexpected sources:

· Part of your network will be inspiring and other people will let you down. The people you think are least likely [to help] in your network will often be the ones to help you.

· I had people help me who barely knew me. I never would have expected it.

· Don’t be discouraged when somebody you thought you could count on disappears. Focus on the people who are helping you. I told myself, ‘people want to help me, so let them do that’.

In his best-selling book “Give and Take,” Wharton professor Adam Grant writes about the value of our connections. We tend to focus on our active connections, that’s where our comfort zone is. As important as our active connections are, Grant emphasizes the value of reconnecting with weak and dormant connections or ties. Dormant ties are those people we once were closer to or saw frequently, but who have fallen off our radar, whereas weak ties are acquaintances or those casual connections in our lives.

According to “Give and Take,” both dormant and weak ties have value. Grant wrote, “The older we get, the more dormant ties we have, and the more valuable they become.” He described a survey in which almost 28 percent of people heard about a job from a weak tie. “Weak ties serve as bridges: they provide more efficient access to new information. Our strong ties tend to travel in the same social circles and know about the same opportunities as we do. Weak ties are more likely to open up access to a different network, facilitating the discovery of original leads.”

The pandemic means that more people are working from home and this may make them more accessible. Unfortunately, it also means that some face-to-face chances to reconnect may be more limited, but there are more venues for online networking. Reaching out with a sincere inquiry about the wellbeing of a colleague can be a great way to rekindle weak or dormant ties.

A recent New York Times article “How to Network From Home” offered ideas on how to use this time to network productively, even if differently from the norm. Since social distancing restrictions will vary and evolve over time and by place, the novel ways that people shared to maintain connections, avoid isolation, and enlarge their network remain valuable:

· Since I had time, I would offer to help friends with house projects, walk their dog, wait for deliveries or the cable guy while they were at work, or pick up their kids from school.

· I offered to do things that didn’t require much money, like meet friends for coffee or go for a walk.

· Find a positive way to say what you are looking for. You never know who that person will know. I found a role [that wasn’t advertised] through a friend of a friend.

· I tried to reach out in a way that was about helping them.

· Make a plan for how many contacts you will make that day and make them.

· There were some people who I didn’t reach out to as much as I could have. Don’t be shy about continuing to interact with people you have always interacted with.

· Meet anyone who is doing anything interesting. Each one can lead to more hubs and spokes within a network.

· Tell people how they can help you. Be as specific as possible.

· Seek advice from your contacts, not necessarily for a job offer but for leads, perspective, insight.

· Everybody knows somebody. I went to a networking event and met someone. I didn’t get that particular job but a year later, something else came up with the same company.

· What goes around comes around and by opening doors for someone else, you can ultimately help yourself. It’s all about karma.

Remember, networking isn’t necessarily about meeting someone who can offer or refer you to a job on the spot; it is to gain information, perspective, advice, introductions that can help you navigate, make informed decisions, and open doors.

“Those that win in networking give first, give generously, and give often.” — Anonymous

Ted Pizzo, Founder and President of Northeast Executive Advisory Group (NEAG), a professional networking group of 16 years, spoke about the importance of asking for specific help. Pizzo said, “People want to help but don’t always know how to at that moment.” He explained that when you are specific in your ask, you help them pinpoint opportunities that can help you, whether with an introduction to a certain company, an individual, a particular role, a geographic location, or type of opportunity.

Several of those I spoke with said that a great way to view networking is through a lens of helping someone else. In “Give and Take,” Grant quotes Reid Hoffman, the founder of the widely used professional networking platform, LinkedIn, “If you set out to help others, you will rapidly reinforce your own reputation and expand your universe of possibilities.”

In a Washington Post article, Jamil Zaki makes an excellent case for how “by serving others, we help ourselves.” Since it’s hard to know how long unemployment will last, some people hesitate to commit to a new cause, but this can be an ideal chance to explore or research new opportunities of personal interest. For those who already volunteer, this time can offer the opportunity to increase that activity.

The interviewees cited support groups, volunteer work, church, or community gatherings as ways where they met new people:

· I redoubled my efforts in community efforts that were always important to me. Those gave me a chance to connect even more with friends and neighbors and to contribute to something that was bigger than myself.

· You need to get out of the house and meet with others in similar situations. I found a support group that met weekly and went to that and networked. It offers perspective. It showed me that I was not alone.

· Volunteer and don’t let the rest of your life suffer — keep it as normal as possible.

· Have a project or initiative, business or personal, that can give you a story to tell and will also help keep you sane.

· Stay active as a volunteer.

· Keep busy doing things. I felt value as a volunteer.

· Do things in the community. Find joy in things. Engage in life.

Networking, whether formal or informal, in a group or with an individual, can pave the way for introductions into new job opportunities, project work, or food-for-thought about career transitions. But not all career opportunities are created equal, which brings up questions that many people ask themselves during this time: do I stay the course, or do I pivot?

Coming Next: When to Pivot

Footnotes:

[1] Along with numerous informal discussions I have had, I formally interviewed 22 individuals for this story. These men and women were white collar workers in their 40–60’s when they were unemployed. They had worked at various levels in their organizations, including some in C-suite positions.

[2] The interviewees’ length of unemployment ranged from six months to four years.

[3] I asked each person to rate how concerned they had been while unemployed using a scale of 1 to 10, “where 1 was not-worried-at-all and 10 was waking-up-at-night-worried.” They reported their anxiety ranged from 3 to 10 and generally increased the longer they were out of work.